The Terrible Tale
by lacerated goths and teddies
Summary: "The small ginger kitten crashed through the plaster ceiling, leaving everyone stunned..."
1. The First Encounter

_This particular tale was thought up with the first sentance provided by my brother, while watching QI. _

_A dangerous combination..._

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The small ginger kitten, smashed through the plaster ceiling, leaving everyone stunned…

Surprisingly, Johnny was the first to react, although typically with a yell of "It wasn't me! I did the pink laundry bit!" at which Ben growled menacingly. Gently as he could, he went over to the little kitten which was doing an impression of a quivering statue. Perhaps the appearance of what appeared to be a moving orange boulder pushed the kitten over the edge, as with one super cat leap, he miraculously scratched Ben's face, and disappeared under the dark caverns of underneath the sofa. Sue glared at them both, and put her hands on her hips.

"Can't you two even deal with a poor little kitten" –

"Which has just crashed through our ceiling" Johnny reminded her, "which is like, fifty floors up and at the top of the Baxter Building."

"Some cat" Ben growled, applying a wet flannel to his scored face, trying and failing to get some sympathy from the only female member of the fantastic Four. Exasperated, Sue bent down, and reached her hand underneath the sofa as gently as she could.

"Hey there little buddy, don't be scared, no one's going to hurt you" -

Reed looked at Johnny.

"When did Sue learn all those expressions?"

"Might have been from that sailor boyfriend she had at college."

"Not from you?"

"Nope. I think."

This conversation was carried out while a suit of clothes yelled obscenities, with a seemingly psychotic kitten attached very firmly to her hand. Johnny turned to Reed.

"Shouldn't you do something about this? I mean, you are the leader of this group."

"Which means I can delegate. And anyway, shouldn't you be helping your sister out?"

Ben laughed a laugh which seemed particularly evil – but then, he had been the first sufferer of the kitten.

"She don't need no help Reed, she's doing just fine."

And with that, the kitten flew off her hand, soared through the air with a pathetic screech that echoed off the four walls of their apartment, and hit the glass partition of the kitchen area with a sickening thud, sliding pathetically down the glass like a slug clinging desperately to it's last hope of escape. Sue grabbed a shirt, and a glare quickly shut up Reed, who decided that perhaps his favourite shirt could be used as an impromptu dressing for Sue's arm. Johnny edged slowly away, and towards the kitten. Determining that it was knocked out, he picked it up by the scruff of the neck, and wondered aloud how such a little cute –

"Don't even say it Johnny" Sue warned him, her emotions still running very high meaning that he was getting warned by a floating set of clothes, with a bloodstained shirt clamped into an invisible arm.

"Okay, okay, I was just going to say be so psychotic."

"I don't care matchstick boy, just get rid of it. Permanently" Ben growled.

Refraining from saying another insult back along the lines of " you can talk Mr walking boulder," Johnny merely said

"Fine", and with careful aim, he drop-kicked it into the bin, where it was later collected by the rubbish collection for the building. Reed later wondered whether they would ever see such an evil kitten again. Musing aloud, he spoke:

"which really begs the question: where did that kitten come from?"

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	2. Later That Night

_This first paragraph is my Dad's fault, still while watching QI..._

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Later that night, while all slept soundly, there was movement outside the large window, a small rain soaked dishevelled shape crept along the ledge. Peeking inside it viewed the stillness of the laboratory within. A tinny pitched scrape could barely be heard as a steel tipped claw scribed a 6" circle on the glass. The kittens face contorted then relaxed, it reached behind and smeared the dollop of faeces on the glass. A second later and a silent pop as it exploded. Then all that could be heard was the spinning of a circle of glass as if a coin slowly running down. The motion cameras focused on this and missed the blur of ginger fur that darted inside and behind the Cyclotron table.

Johnny shifted from his uncomfortable position on the sofa – his bed having burst into flames during the night – and the kitten paused, waiting to see if there would be repercussions. After a minute, it decided that the mumblings occurring from Johnny – along the lines of "Mmmm… No! give him back! Miiine…" – were harmless, and padded silently across the floor, making use of the shadows that stretched from the table that was covered in notes from Reed's workings on the Cyclotron table, to the sofa where it paused, and an inordinately long, pink tongue slid itself across the matted ginger face, stuck together with the rubbish that it had woken up in during the late afternoon.

It grinned an evil grin, and oozed onto Johnny's stomach, waiting for the right moment, gathering it's strength. Having woken up late afternoon, it had crawled it's way up to the fiftieth floor window that looked onto the Fantastic Four's living room. Finally it was ready. Commando-crawling up Johnny's chest, it positioned itself above his neck, and licked his neck and face in one long swipe, leaving bits of lettuce and fried chicken skin on the way.

Johnny – who mysteriously groaned Reed's name – woke up to see the ginger nightmare grinning maliciously on his chest, and screamed, bursting into flame in an attempt to get away from the kitten that he remembered all too well he had dropped-kicked into the bin, and thought that the kitten had come back for revenge. Woken up by the screaming, yells and maniacal meows coming from the living room, the rest of the team stumbled into the room to see The Human Torch huddled in a corner, while the same ginger kitten that had mauled them earlier was stalking in front of him, spitting a ball of greenish… stuff at the floor that seemed to corrode it.

Sue and Ben hurriedly backed away, leaving Reed as the one who would have to save them. Battling a yawn, he stretched his arm from a safe distance, and threw the kitten back through the gap it had left in the window. All they heard was a vanishing shriek as the kitten disappeared into the night sky. Reed turned back to see that not only had Sue and Ben gone back to bed, but Johnny had nicked his room, leaving him with the blankets and a pile of ashes formally known as the sofa to sleep on.

He groaned.

Why him?


End file.
